


paint me

by orphan_account



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Colors, M/M, Soonhoon - Freeform, Sunsets, metephorical stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 20:53:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20880512
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When Soonyoung was grey, Jihoon tried his hardest to paint him again. Soonyoung, though, was not a canvas. He couldn’t be painted over, Jihoon loved him anyways.





	paint me

Every time that Jihoon looked at Soonyoung, he felt warm. He felt like all shades and hues of pinks and oranges, like peaches and sunsets. Soonyoung was Jihoon’s sun when the sun went down. There were so many colours that Soonyoung let him love, sometimes it was difficult to wrap his head around.

He would watch as Soonyoung talked dramatically with his hands and laughed with his body, he watched as Soonyoung’s eyes almost closed from smiling so hard but Jihoon felt as if he didn’t deserve that smile, he didn’t deserve those laughs. He wasn’t colourful- he wasn’t like the other.

Soonyoung’s eyes were unlike anything Jihoon had ever seen before, there were galaxies hidden far away. So many stars and colours, he could see everything. He loved staring into them.

He also loved moments like this, the sun was setting and the curtains were cracked open just enough for Soonyoung’s skin to glow. He was so warm, Jihoon was safe in his arms. He whispered into the taller’s neck as they laid in bed together, limbs tangled and blankets bunched up. Their fingers were intertwined, Jihoon whispered that he was in love with him and Soonyoung’s cheeks turned that mix of colours he adored, the specific mix of all his fuzzy feelings that were soft and bright. Words couldn’t be put to it, neither could actions. Colours spoke for themselves, they spoke to Jihoon. He understood nothing better than that.

He loved when Soonyoung was bright yellow, like the colour of summer. It was his colour when he was surrounded by all of his friends, Jihoon felt baby pink as he looked in admiration. Maybe he was a bit obvious to everybody, maybe they assumed what he felt. Colours were stronger than emotions to him. Soonyoung understood him, he smiled. He was so easy to be with, he was so many colours. Soonyoung had painted Jihoon’s world, yet Jihoon could never fit a proper thank you into words. He never got to anyways.

As he had favourite colours on Soonyoung, he also had colours he hated. Grey was one of them, it was a colour he understood better than anything. It was dull and numbing, it was the worst colour to feel. He hated it, it made him sick. When Soonyoung was grey, he tried his hardest to paint him again. Soonyoung, though, was not a canvas. He couldn’t be painted over, Jihoon loved him anyways.

Dark blue was another colour he hated, it was so beautifully lonely and emotional. It hurt to feel, Soonyoung became dark blue when they fought, he was dark blue when he cried over things Jihoon didn’t really mean. He hated dark blue for making Soonyoung feel like this, though maybe he was Soonyoung’s dark blue. Maybe he was suffocating.

Jihoon’s bruises were dark blue, he tried to pretend they weren’t there but they were all over himself in different hues. He despised it, dark blues and purples blooming all over his knuckles when he would punch the wall. Dark blues blooming over his knees that scrapped the pavement outside his apartment complex, dark blue that Soonyoung kissed with his cherry coloured lips. Dark blue was worse than grey in ways Jihoon didn’t want to know- he feared to know. He sometimes wished he was still grey.

Soonyoung and Jihoon weren’t a rainbow of colours together, they were a storm.

“Are you even listening to me?” Jihoon’s voice was a colour he never wanted, it wasn’t black- not yet. It was dark and desperate, he didn’t like the look on Soonyoung’s face.

“Honesty Jihoon?” Soonyoung became grey again. His chest ached, not of purples and blues anymore. “I don’t think that _ you’re _ listening to _ me _.”

Jihoon lost control of himself sometimes, he would say things he didn’t mean. He was too pent up inside, he wanted to tear himself apart for it but he couldn’t. He wanted to scream it out, do anything but hurt Soonyoung. Not even with words, he didn’t want to be the other’s dark blue any longer.

He spoke before he thought, “Fuck you.” Jihoon was black now. Soonyoung became dark grey, it hurt so badly but it was too late. The words already left his mouth, the taller’s face twisted into an expression that made Jihoon’s stomach swirl with anxiety.

“No, fuck _ you _Jihoon. I hate you, I wish I never even met you!” Soonyoung had never sounded this way before, it was scary. He was too loud, he was too many colours at once. Jihoon was afraid of Soonyoung and himself, he was deep dark blue now. The endless void of a colour, like the middle of the ocean at night. His eyes burned and his cheeks became wet, the words stung red in Jihoon’s chest. 

Soonyoung’s expression softened immediately, he looked soft purple. Jihoon could barely see him, he closed his eyes as the warm tears fell. He felt weak in front of the person he thought was the strongest in the world.

“No-no. Hoonie, I’m so sorry. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it..” Soonyoung was warm, like always, as his hands cupped Jihoon’s cheeks. His thumbs wiped away the tears that fell, Jihoon’s eyes opened slowly.

“It’s my fault,” Jihoon whispered in the deep ocean blue he was feeling. Soonyoung let go of his face and wrapped his arms around Jihoon’s body as they both sunk (in more than one way.) Jihoon wished he was grey. He wished everything was grey, but not Soonyoung.

Neither were the same after.

\--

Soonyoung became grey again, he was rarely anything other. It made Jihoon feel helpless, he felt so many colours for Soonyoung, yet he couldn’t help. It was a different kind of grey as the thought settled itself on top of Jihoon’s brain at all moments, he couldn’t help. _ You can’t help. _Jihoon realised it was probably his fault to begin with.

He was spinning himself into blackness while Soonyoung barely uttered a word to him. They were hurting each other, Jihoon wanted the sunset back on Soonyoung’s cheeks. He wanted to whisper to Soonyoung again, he wanted his warmth. He wanted him back, yet they didn’t even sleep in the same building anymore. Jihoon gave up their shared apartment for Soonyoung, he roomed at some hotel. He wouldn’t tell that to anybody, he was okay.

Soonyoung could no longer be painted, not by the sun or the sunset. Jihoon’s words could no longer make him that peachy colour he loved, he no longer turned purple or orange. He wasn’t even dark blue anymore, Soonyoung let the grey consume him. Jihoon no longer saw his sunset, Soonyoung faded away.

He was not a canvas, Jihoon cried. Soonyoung was the love of his life. Jihoon was just the storm that hung overhead and rained constantly. He made Soonyoung cry, he made Soonyoung sad. He couldn’t help but feel that he too made Soonyoung leave.

**Author's Note:**

> haha i'm on a roll lately.. this should've stayed in my drafts, i dont feel like proofreading so sorry for mistakes. i havent slept and im sad and metaphorical, my angst isnt even that GOOD and i feel bad for taking it out on svt but i'm working on big projects so stay tuned maybe??


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